You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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