i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
