So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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