I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
it's like heaven, but drunker
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
