Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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