I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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