I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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