I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
