quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
