Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
