Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
