He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
