Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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