haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
