please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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