I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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