You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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