I hate your face
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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