Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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