She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
