her vagine was all disorganized.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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