he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
sex in a hospital.. check
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
