i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
