I met the friendliest cop last night
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You're a waste of cheezeits
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
They have beer where we have blood.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
