I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
