is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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