During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My vagina just clenched in fear
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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