I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
