I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
