We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
