I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
