Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize