so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
