Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
