im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
