how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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