I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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