OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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