She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
