Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
