I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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