I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
