So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
