fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
