I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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