she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
