you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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