i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
