Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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