im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
